


Don't Waste Your Time On Me

by lemonhopia



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Kissing in the Rain, One Night Stands, Smut, mentions of drinking and fucking around as a coping mechanism, some fluff i guess?, yikes this is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 12:13:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20174065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonhopia/pseuds/lemonhopia
Summary: I remember the way you brushed your damp and messy blonde hair away from your face, and the way our heartbeats raced the first time our lips touched. I was blessed to know how your laughs sound like, as well as the sounds of pleasure you made as we were tangled in the sheets.If only I had the guts to stay. If only I had half the sense to know the spark I saw in you was something I should have treasured and worked on to ignite into a full blaze. I would have known how your morning voice sounds like, how you rub the sleep out of your eyes, how the first break of sunlight hits the freckles on your face.Maybe you were meant only remain a memory, a fantasy I was lucky enough to taste once but not sufficiently fortunate to turn into reality.





	Don't Waste Your Time On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Title and prompt from Jasey Rae - All Time Low.

If only I had the means to apologize to you now, I would. I knew every corner and turn we took that rainy Friday night, every step burned into my memory like it was a path I was always destined to walk on. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t bring myself to get out of bed and drive all the way to your side of town. You don’t deserve someone who has the guts to start something only to leave without a trace in the end.

I wonder if it’s also cold where you are? It’s raining hard right now, just like the night we met.

And the morning we parted. 

I remember the way you brushed your damp and messy blonde hair away from your face, and the way our heartbeats raced the first time our lips touched. I was blessed to know how your laughs sound like, as well as the sounds of pleasure you made as we were tangled in the sheets.

If only I had the guts to stay. If only I had half the sense to know the spark I saw in you was something I should have treasured and worked on to ignite into a full blaze. I would have known how your morning voice sounds like, how you rub the sleep out of your eyes, how the first break of sunlight hits the freckles on your face.

Maybe you were meant to only remain a memory, a fantasy I was lucky enough to taste once but not sufficiently fortunate to turn into reality.

Friday nights meant one thing ever since my apartment for two has turned into a solo space. It meant going all the way to the other end of the city to drink and party until I hurl my guts out the morning after. Sometimes coming home with someone I won’t get to see the next day anymore, if I’m lucky. And it went on and on even long after I’ve moved on, but did I really? Or did I just get used to feeling empty and trying to fill up the space with someone’s presence? All I knew was I didn’t want to be empty anymore. I wanted to feel again,  _ anything _ , no matter what it may be. 

So for the first time in what felt like forever, I traded the blaring music and flashing lights for a quiet night out alone, walking the same streets I used to walk while inebriated, but this time with a sober mind.

I found my way to a calmer and cozier place when it started to rain but I found way more than what I expected.

I was surprised that no one has helped this guy yet with the way he was standing in the pouring rain, with only the narrow roof of the pub extending over the sidewalk across the narrow side street keeping him from getting drenched completely. His back was pressed against the wall, arms hugging his sides, and no jacket or anything weather-appropriate keeping him warm. I’ve been watching him for the past hour from my seat beside a glass window and I feel like my conscience will eat me alive if I don’t get out there. 

He’s not my responsibility, sure, but something in him dragged me out of my warm and comfy seat and into the cold and wet pavement. Was he waiting for someone and got stood up? Was he just passing by and got stuck there in the corner when it rained? I had no idea. He wasn’t carrying anything, not even checking his phone. He just stood there, shifting his weight between both feet every once in a while.

Like the impulsive mess that I am, I paid for my drinks and hurriedly stepped outside, opening my umbrella.

“Hey, you okay? Need help? I can walk you to, uhm, anywhere around here? Or at least help you call a cab?” I approached carefully, coming closer but not wanting to look like a creep. Upon closer inspection, I was taken by surprise by his big brown eyes perking up upon seeing me. They were obviously tired and weary, but there’s an undeniable sparkle that held me captive.

He hesitated for a few seconds before answering, probably wondering why a girl would offer to walk him anywhere that late at night. “Oh, really?” The little shy laugh he let out was so cute. “If it’s okay with you, would a few blocks around here be fine?”

It didn’t matter that I lived nowhere near the area. I wasn’t up to going home anyway . “Sure, show me the way?”

He flashed me a smile so bright it didn’t suit the gloomy surroundings at all. Probably the most genuine smile I’ve seen in a long time.

We walked under the rain with him taking the umbrella. Shouldn’t we be walking faster so we’ll spend less time under the rain? The winds were getting stronger too. But I couldn’t bear to tell him that. I wanted to feel more of the warmth of his body pressed up against mine, his hands almost touching mine as we both hold on to the handle of the umbrella to bring it closer to us. 

“Do you live just around here?” I broke our silence as we turned a corner.

“Yeah, but I’m not going home yet,” He smiled briefly before setting his eyes on the road again. “We’re here,”

We stopped in front of a cafe, one that’s a few blocks away from the main road where we started. 

“Thanks a lot, let me at least buy you a coffee for not letting me die in the cold? And let’s wait for the rain to calm down a bit before you go,” 

It made me wonder what someone like him was doing at such a place and how he ended up there, and whoever made him look so miserable earlier did not deserve him at all. 

I should have known at that moment that I should have turned back. Was I so miserable that I was so invested in a random stranger whose name I didn’t even know? A stranger with a deep, soothing voice, and eyes that held an entire galaxy of stars, yes, but still a total stranger.

My breath hitched at his question.  _ This isn’t a good idea.  _ I wished my impulses would listen to my brain. The few seconds of hesitation was excruciating, and I felt my defenses crumbling little by little.

“Yeah sure, why not?” As expected, my mouth betrayed me in an instant.

He let go of the breath he was holding and held out his hand. From under the bright lights by the cafe entrance, I could see the tiny specks littered across his cheeks, and noticed how his small frame hides behind an oversized white shirt and how his jeans hug his lower body. When our eyes met, I was pretty sure he was doing the same. 

“Felix,” I take the hand he offered and my heart stopped at how he intertwined our fingers briefly instead of gripping it in a normal handshake. “So you won’t be creeped out at an absolute stranger asking you out for coffee,”

“Well, you can’t be worse than the people I do know,” His smile was contagious. I must have had the same ear to ear grin as he did while I was introducing myself. 

Felix held the door open for me as we stepped into the cafe, the tinkling of the chime above the doorway and the aroma of coffee hitting my senses right away. 

“Latte for me, you?”

“Mocha, thanks,” 

We haven’t said a lot to each other but I was already sure I wanted to listen to him talk the entire day. 

Just as we got our orders and settled at a booth at a cozy corner of the cafe, the wind and rain got even more unrelenting, throwing in some thunderclaps every once in a while for good measure. 

“Woah, that doesn’t look good, do you live just around here?” Felix peeked out the large glass panels covering the entire front of the cafe with a worried look on his face. If I hadn't taken the chance to approach him, I wonder if he would have left his spot earlier on the curb. 

“Nah, I just go here when I wanna be alone. Not much chance of running into someone I know, it’s more peaceful,”

If only he knew why I’m always here, I don't know if he would still want me around.

“But here I am invading your alone time,” 

“Don’t worry, I’m enjoying myself here,” 

“How are you getting home though?” Felix asked, sounding hesitant like he didn’t want to think about leaving.

“Let’s worry about that later,”

Is it crazy to say I didn’t want to leave? And if I did, I only wanted to leave with him, even when every last bit of sanity I had kept screaming  _ NO _ . I watched him closely as he sipped his coffee, his small hands and dainty fingers wrapping around the cup completely like he’s trying to warm them.  _ Cute. _ That was all I could think of, even with his playful grins and intense stares throwing me off my game more and more every time.

“OK then,” He shifted in his seat and looked me straight in the eye. “This is my favorite place by the way, sometimes I get so tired of getting wasted so this is where I go to chill,”   
“Wow, funny because I go all the way here just to get wasted alone,”

“Oh, so that’s what you were doing…”

“Kinda,”   
“Drinking something away?”

“Just one of those nights,” I shrugged. I really couldn’t pinpoint anything aside from the fact that I am just simply a mess. “You probably know what I mean, like when nothing seems to go right but you don’t really know what it is,”   
“Ah, same shit, different ways to deal,” He brushed the hair away from where it was sticking to his forehead and it made me want to run my fingers through his hair as well.

“Yeah, but it’s great to break out from the routine every now and then, like now,”

“Am I a welcome break to that routine?”

“More than welcome.”

It was already past midnight when we got out. The rain has calmed down a little but neither of us wanted to go our separate ways. Unlike earlier when the rain looked so relentless and menacing, it seemed so peaceful the moment we stepped out. All I could hear was my heartbeat and the sound of the rain falling on rooftops and the pavement, and I didn’t mind anymore how cold and gloomy it was outside.

Just like when we arrived, we stood at the doorway for a while, taking in the sight of each other. Inside I hoped he’s also willing to take a leap just like I was.

“You know how after a while, whatever you’re doing to feel better doesn’t seem to work anymore like it used to?” Felix broke the silence and the round of internal debate we were having with ourselves.

I stopped in the middle of opening my umbrella. “It means you need something new,” 

Wordlessly, he took my umbrella and pulled me by both hands, leading us into the sidewalk and right into the rain. I let out a surprised yelp as the cold water hit my skin. We must have looked insane playing in the rain while everyone else passing by was rushing to get home, splashing puddles and not caring about how loud we were laughing in the busy streets.

His sudden explosion of playfulness surprised me, but not his arm looping around my waist and his warm lips catching mine in a kiss. We’ve had it coming the entire time. The glances exchanged, the jolts running through our bodies whenever we touch, we both knew we wanted this to happen.

So we let it be. 

I pulled him closer by the shoulders, deepening the kiss, our tongues in a fiery dance. His skin feels warm like the rest of him radiating sunshine.

We weren’t in some cliche movie scene where the guy kisses the girl in the rain and she drops her umbrella to the ground. It was so much better. There weren’t any bells or dramatic music in the background, only our hearts beating in sync and the pouring rain.   
“I’ve always wanted to play in the rain, thanks,” I whispered breathlessly when we pulled away for a brief second then placed a quick peck on his lips. 

Felix gave me a curious yet incredulous look, blinking off the raindrops clinging to his lashes. “You mean you haven’t? Wow, were you even a kid?”

“Not like this,” I giggled. “Kids don’t kiss each other like… like that,”

“Like this?” He gave me another kiss. “Or this?” And another, until we’re all over each other again like no one else exists in our own little world.

“Yes,” We burst out laughing but the laughter quickly faded when the rain turned violent again and we could barely see anything beyond a few feet.

“Shit, let’s go, we can warm up somewhere, you’re gonna get a cold,” 

“Where?” I half-shouted over the clap of thunder.

“I live just around here, remember?”

My heart was thumping so loud in my chest. I just nodded in agreement and in an instant we were running hand in hand several blocks to his apartment, fighting against the wind the entire time. It felt like I was holding my breath until the moment Felix closed the door. Was I really running off with a guy I just met hours ago? Everything felt so natural and comfortable with Felix, and honestly I was more worried for him than the other way around.

Hair and clothes still dripping from the downpour, he kissed me again by the doorway. No rush, just our lips moving softly against each other, with his hands making their way underneath my shirt and mine resting on his chest. Then our hands started wandering, innocently at first but not so much anymore after a few minutes. His kisses traveled from my lips to my neck to my shoulders while his hands traced invisible lines on my waist and lower back, then pushed me tight between the door and his body. Our bodies melted into each other so easily, his hips grinding slowly against mine, needy and desperate for more. We haven’t even left the doorway yet we’ve already done so much but still not enough.

The room filled with the sound of heavy breathing and muffled moans, sweet kisses in between giggles turning into a heated tangling of tongues, making the air so much hotter than how it felt.

“Sorry, I forgot I have to get you dry,” He pulled away panting, lips slightly red and swollen from all the sucking and biting they’ve gone through. He also pulled away his hand about to unhook my bra.

“Then stop making me so wet,” I chuckled and he blushed so hard like he wasn’t just about to free me from my underwear. 

He led me to his room, suddenly shy and restless while he pulled off his shirt and rummaged through his closet for some clothes, then handed me a towel.

“Shower is over there,” He couldn’t take his eyes off me as he pointed to a door at the opposite wall of the room. I froze in my spot. Part of me wanted to follow and change into the dry clothes he offered me, part of me wanted him to be the one taking off my clothes. 

Hands still trembling but most likely not from the cold, I started to speak but he cut me off.

“You know what, I’ll just have you wear those later,” He grabbed my face with both hands, crashing our lips together, much hungrier and needier than our previous kisses. My body automatically went slack at his touch. His hands worked quickly to unbutton my shirt and help me out of my jeans, our lips not parting the whole time and I was quick to return the favor, moaning into his lips upon feeling how hard he was underneath all that fabric. 

Felix pushed me against the edge of the bed until I fell back onto the springy mattress with him stumbling on top of me. 

“Woah, careful,” I laughed breathily and ran my hands through his soft hair, and brushed the damp locks away from his face. Fuck, he was even more beautiful at that angle. The curves of his jawline, his gentle yet piercing eyes, I felt blessed just having such a stunning view right in front of me.  _ Right on top of me.  _

“Do you really want to?” His hands stopped at the hooks of my bra for the second time.

“Fucking hell Felix, I’m gonna scream if we don’t end up fucking,” He laughed and finally freed my breasts with an excited expression on his face, his hands and his mouth taking turns on playing with both. 

“This is wet now too,” I whimpered as I felt his fingers rub me over my panties. “Wet for me baby?”

“Mmm- Lix- I-” A loud moan got my words stuck in my throat and he caught all my sounds of pleasure with his mouth. He slipped his hand underneath the thin and soaked fabric, my clit burning from the arousal and the sensation of his warm fingers rubbing slow circles and gathering the wetness around my entrance, making sure I’m fully ready for him.

Just as the pressure in my core was about to explode, he took turns pumping two fingers and rubbing my clit, then stopped to kick off his boxers. I whimpered at the sight of his erection so angry and red at the tip and dripping with pre-cum.    
My heart raced in anticipation as he let me stroke his length before slipping a condom on, squeezing my legs desperately to get some friction.

“Please, I need you now,” It was more of a breathy whine but it was loud and clear enough of a request.

“Open up baby, I got you,” I got even wetter at his voice. I obliged, letting him position himself between my legs, and he fit so perfectly like he was made to be right there.

Felix pushed in all the way in one smooth move, filling me up completely.

“F-fuck, you’re so- ahh- so tight,” The perfect angle and slow but hard pace he was thrusting in made me see stars. He pushed himself up and held on to my thighs, burying himself in me as deep as he can.

Slow, fast, moderate, he kept switching up his pace, every snap and roll of his hips a little taste of heaven. 

"I'm- ahh- almost- oh fuck wow," I didn't know where to grip anymore. I've been pulling on his hair, clawing at his arms, pulling at the sheets, nothing seemed to keep me steady enough as his pounding grew harder and faster. 

"Mhmm? Almost?" He's lost in his own world as well. Both of us were at a loss for proper words but we didn't need any. 

"A-almost there- aaah!" His thrusts got sloppier as I came, my walls clenching hard around his cock as he came shortly after. 

I cried out in pleasure, and though Felix was mostly grunts and heavy breathing, the moans he made as he came were priceless. 

If only there was an option to pause a moment, I would. 

Specifically the moment Felix kissed me so passionately after he pulled out, then let me rest on his chest to listen to his heartbeat.  _ I could get used to this,  _ my heart screamed out loud, but I shut the thought down before it consumed me. 

"Let's get you and your clothes cleaned up?" He kissed my cheek and rubbed comforting circles on my hand with his thumb. 

"Don't wanna get up," I sighed and buried my face in his bare chest, inhaling the faint hint of perfume that still remained on his skin. It was the last thing I remember before sleep took over and let my guard down entirely. 

And if there was an option to delete any moment, it would be the morning after the wildest night of my life. 

I opened my eyes just before sunrise to find a still sleeping Felix beside me and my already clean and dry clothes hanging off the closet door handles. 

The high of last night has worn off, leaving a devastating emptiness in its wake. I tried washing it off in the shower, scrubbing every inch of my body to get rid of the fear starting to creep up and bombing my head with doubts and questions. 

_ You'll just hurt him.  _

_ You were just a one-night stand, he wouldn't want to see you when he wakes up.  _

_ He's just sad and bored and you were convenient, he doesn't really like you.  _

I hurriedly put on my clothes and glanced one more time at the sleeping form on the bed, looking smaller and more fragile than the Felix I met last night. 

I still couldn't help it. I couldn't stand not seeing him one more time before I go. Carefully, I placed one last kiss on his cheek and took a second to drink in his features to etch it in my brain, then ran out his apartment like the building was burning to the ground. 

The rain greeted me as I set foot on the pavement. It poured and poured, and I let all of it soak into me, hoping it would put out the fire Felix started. But hours passed after that morning, then days and weeks, and the flame only consumed me alive.

If there's one last thing I could have told Felix but didn't have the guts to, it's  _ I hope you’ll forget about me. Even if I know I can’t do the same. _

**Author's Note:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/lemonhopia)   
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/lemonhopia)   
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